Everyone is celebrating the arrival of the year 3000 and vacations are all the rage, especially those touring the Solar System. The work schedule is more flexible with up to a month of vacation time allowed. Rocket propulsion has advanced so much that a one-way trip to Pluto only takes a week and has become the coolest travel destination. Interplanetary travel is no longer restricted to retirees or those with plenty of free time. With proper budgeting it is possible to travel to beautiful, if not dangerous, places.
Owner and operator, Perry Pezzolanella, of Rosy Cheeks Pluto Adventures, has put together several memorable touring packages for your Pluto vacation. You will take a super-powerful shuttle rocket from Earth to the Frozen Heart Resort on the edge of the vast glacial plain of Sputnik. Be sure to bring your thermals and warmest boots! This is where you will be staying during your vacation. There are many cool excursions with great deals that will send a chill up your spine. You may:
Ski Pluto! Why not? You came all this way! Pluto has some of the best skiing conditions in the Solar System rivaling the frosty metallic peaks of Venus. Nothing beats the frosty methane mountain peaks of the Cthulhu region. Experience the rush of downhill skiing on methane frost high above the reddish-brown rocky plains below bathed in dim sunlight and immersed in the nearly -400ºF cold.
Climb Pluto! Anyone up to some mountain climbing? Pluto has a mountain range towering up to 20,000 feet! Tenzing Montes towers above them all with an average slope of 19º; it will be a challenge. The cliffs are not rock, but water ice that is as hard as granite in the nearly -400ºF cold. Not quite up to this challenge but still want to climb a mountain. Head to Hillary Montes, where the peak is still a lofty 11,000 feet, but an easier climb, with opportunities to hike to the summit. I will provide the necessary gear. No matter where you summit, be sure to catch the awesome views of a curving horizon under streaks of haze across the vast glacial plains of Sputnik giving a new perspective to being “on top of the world”.
Skate Pluto! Break the world record for speed skating, but it will be cheating as this is Pluto where the lower gravity and rarified air makes it easier to skate. Take to the smooth, frozen nitrogen lake known as Alcyonia Lacus, which was once filled with liquid nitrogen when Pluto had a thicker atmosphere and was warmer. Now it is frozen over and so smooth that speed skating is a favorite pastime. The backdrop of mountains makes this a beautiful location, especial for figure skating.
Snowmobile Pluto! Hop onto a snowmobile and explore the icy heart of Pluto. If you do not know how to drive one, do not worry as I can supply a tour guide to do all the driving and point out interesting sights along the way including the vast fields of methane snowdrifts and the famous nitrogen pits. Be on the lookout for water-ice boulders!
I also have excursion packages to the other side of Pluto to witness the eerie sight of Charon in the hazy sky. Because Pluto and Charon are tidally locked, Charon can never be seen at the resort or anywhere above the icy heart, but a journey to the opposite side will assure that you can take a moonlight stroll in the chilly glow of Charonlight.
You can rent a Jeep and drive across the tholin-coated red plains of Cthulhu to the methane frost capped icy mountain ranges for a ski trip, mountain climbing, hiking, or simply enjoying a leisurely drive with the comfort of heated seats. Be careful driving into shadows. The thin atmosphere and the dim, nearly starlike Sun will create sharp, dark shadows. Be sure to keep the headlights on at all times when driving. All Jeeps are equipped with computerized maps to help you navigate hazards. A tour guide is available if you do not want to do the driving and desire a more in-depth knowledge of the region. The guided Cthulhu Jeep Tours sell out fast so be sure to reserve one before you depart Earth!
The New Horizons Experience is another popular package. You will be launched into a highly elliptical orbit around Pluto after your surface stay on Pluto has ended and pass within 7800 miles of Pluto’s icy heart to relive the dramatic flyby of New Horizons nearly 1000 years ago. A brief stopover to explore Charon for a day may be added for an additional fee before you depart for home. Be alert during your flight to try to capture a glimpse of Pluto’s tiniest moons: Hydra, Nix, Kerberos, and Styx.
I also have the best dining experience on Pluto! Dine inside a true ice castle made of blocks of water ice that are as hard as granite in the intense cold, but no worries as it is a balmy 32ºF inside with breathable air. You can walk around and lounge freely, or enjoy drinks at the ice bar, but dress warmly. Dinner is served on heated plates with only the best food, all imported from Earth of course. Everyone has fun making nitrogen ice cream, especially children. Skilled technicians will assist in creating this delicious treat using liquid nitrogen. Simply pick a flavor and the tech will help you prepare a memorable treat. Unlimited hot cocoa is available to all during your stay on Pluto, appropriately tinted to the color of tholins.
Flowers on Pluto? I have the best horticultural garden anywhere, although I have been challenged by my rivals on Triton, but mine is number one. Bundle up in your warmest spacesuit as you walk among the colorful delicate field of flowers frozen from a dip in liquid nitrogen. Please do not touch them as they will shatter! Children enjoy making the frozen flowers but also enjoy crunching them into pieces with their gloved hands.
The price for this travel package is $750 million for a two-week stay including round trip transportation; it can be customized with longer stays or adding a longer Charon stay-over for an extra fee. MVAS members will receive a 25% discount on all packages and a free Jeep rental, with or without a tour guide if preferred. (For those not familiar with the price tag, that is the cost of the New Horizons mission to Pluto).
Before departing Earth, you will sign a form to not hold me or Rosy Cheeks Pluto Adventures liable for harm or death from flash freezing, frostbite, or liquid nitrogen burns. Staying on Pluto is only recommended for healthy people who can tolerate the extreme cold. Even though you will be wearing pressurized, warm suits, the environment is frigid beyond imagination, and a chill will always be present. Those who live in the Yukon, Siberia, or Upstate New York will be experienced with the severe climate. Be sure you are skilled and healthy enough to partake in any of the activities you wish to pursue. This may seem like a fantasy today, but who knows what MVAS members might do for an exotic, out of this world vacation in the next millennium?